We have one or two in here! He would never get on my nerves, because he would always be gone. ", Warren replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Joy fell out, but you know, fifty quid is fifty quid". Sometimes I think war is Gods way of teaching us geography. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Trask (his last name) used that heritage to lord it over me. Why does the military only allow dress shirts during ceremonies and events? 1. I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. USMC: OHH! Flight Announcements 4. In an attempt to keep, the passengers from standing or moving around before taxiing was completed the Flight Attendant of an internal flight said over the PA, "Ladies and Gentlemen. When the plane was descending for the landing, the Marine put his boots back on and quickly realized the Soldier had been spitting in his boots. Ordered a private to bring back a five-gallon can of dehydrated water (in fact, the sergeant just wanted an empty water can). If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have, 16. Its a NO FLY zone! What do you call a military officer who goes to the bathroom a lot? Auld Lang Slice In his free time, he enjoys hunting, hiking, running, shooting guns, and reviewing gear. Dario Leone is an aviation, defense and military writer. The official allowed us to pass without opening a single suitcase. Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. Related read: When Is Military Appreciation Month? He then made his way to my side. Two thousand dollars a week, he replied. Caller: Sgt. Eat up! My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didnt salute. 45. There was bound to be trouble, and I was right, because suddenly, he fell silenteyebrows arched, brain overloaded. What does ARMY mean to you? Dad got quiet. I wouldnt set foot on any ship that intentionally sinks.. Military Jokes March to the beat of your own drum with these military jokes. "It took us a while to find a new pilot." Why did the airplane get sent to his room? 'Never tell the Platoon Sergeant. P | Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. Top Flight Deck / Cockpit Jokes and Memes Collection. If you stop to ask Why, you will be talking to yourself, 8. Here are some favorites from rallypoint.com: Did it work? My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. He replied, When they stopped shooting at me.. Whats the difference between God and a fighter pilot? Forty years later, Dad met the man responsible, and he told him how impressed he had been. Semper Pie Passenger Cargo that talks or Self-loading freight, 58. Hey, Im from St. Louis too! he said. So he recruited 4 of the best he could find. 2. When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature. A lot of the jokes on this list I heard while I was in the Marines, but I want to give credit to our friends at ralleypoint.com and unijokes.com. I cant, he said, but thats his worry now., An Air Force pilot says to a seaman, Youre in the Navy but you cant swim?, The seaman replies, Are you saying that since youre in the Air Force youre able to fly?. Known to bicker and make fun of each other often, its likely that those in the military have a good sense of humor. Comedian Martha Raye was a great supporter of the military and made many trips to Vietnam to entertain the troops. As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. A senior chief prompted his 25 sailors by saying, I have an easy job for the laziest man here. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. The only time you have too much fuel is when you are on fire, 47. You divertyour course! He needed COVER! She approached one of the women for an explanation: What enabled women here to achieve this marvelous reversal of roles? Land mines, replied the Kuwaiti woman. But my fears were put Our bases Army Exchange Service carried a particular brand of underarm deodorant that I liked and bought for years. 15. Some of the jokes on this list I first read and on their websites. StrategyPage's Military Jokes and Military Humor. As the soldiers disembarked, they started to jeer and boo. What happened when a soldier went into an enemy bar? The Air Force will take out a five-year lease with an option to buy at the end. A young pilot in a Fighter Jet was flying escort for a B-52 Bomber and generally being a nuisance, acting like a big hotshot, flying loops around the lumbering old bomber. The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. When our drill instructor demanded an explanation, the man bellowed, This recruit has proved himself worthless and weak and is being mailed home to his mother!. It was PRIVATE. Keep up with Katee on Instagram and linkedin.com. So I quit ordering it.. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. Want some really over-the-top, cheesy jokes about the military? Well, one time, as I proudly puffed away at our NCO club, an older sergeant growled, Hey, kid, your candy bars on fire.. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminium going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose. The controller while working a busy shift told a 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty (do a complete circle, usually to provide spacing between aircraft). Then, in a soft voice, he said, Probably. The ships operations officer entered the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. At one point, our very intimidating instructor pointed at me and said, Theres been a jeep explosion. Marine Approved is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associate Program. Heres what they came up with: A visitor, returning to Kuwait for the first time since the Gulf War, was impressed by a sociological change. Our motto was We never retreat, we just backspace.. But something struck me as odd. There are optimists and pessimists in aviation. I set out a roach bombthey defused it. I waited for whoever it was to prove he was an American and reply with the countersign, Marshall. Instead, silence.George! Now, he said, when I say left, its the one that hurts.. From the pilot during his welcome message: We are pleased to announce that we have some of the best Flight Attendants in the aviation industry. The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. While waiting every one will come by multiple times except yours, 62. I was the cook.. On an internal Flight with a very Senior Flight Attendant crew, the pilot said, Ladies and Gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. 36. ", "Yes, sir," my mother said with a sigh. Why won't you kiss me? The fighter jet stops whining once the engines are cut off. The captain returned my salute and responded, LMD 67. A sailor and a marine are both in the bathroom peeing. What do you call a training sergeant whos very kind and respectful? Pre-flight briefing from Canadian Air Force Pilot If you hear me yell Eject, Eject, Eject, the last two will be echoes. When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature. However, even with full power, the little plane could not handle the load and went down a few moments after take-off. I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. Hotel/Car Rental Shuttle Bus Vehicle subject to paranormal effects. Me: Sorry, you have the wrong number. Takeoffs are optional. I thought I was on top of my game that day, but he was quite scrupulous, as evidenced by the fact that his written evaluation of me cited this issue: Instructor loses eye contact with class while writing on blackboard.. You had tents?, A drill sergeant yells at his young trainee, I didnt see you at camouflage training this morning, private!, The private replies, Well, thank you very much, sir., A general gets stuck in his Jeep on the side of the road. Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. Officer: Soldier. Reply: I recommend you divert your course 15 degrees south to avoid a collision. When the sailor finishes up, he heads to the sink to wash his hands. Chicago. 1. Altitude is life insurance. you cant do both. It was sheer brilliance. (Sign over the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena, Japan). Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Aunt Mary is an F-16 pilot A fifth-grade teacher told her students "I'd like for one of you to tell the class a story with a moral", so little Suzy raised her hand. Soldier: Sure, buddy. Whats the difference between the Boys Scouts and the Army? It works just like every other seat belt and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised, 26. Our puns and jokes are here for the soldiers as well as everyone else to enjoy. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant, "and it took . Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate, 18. See, Connor? he explained, pointing to the photo and then to the bear. Spread the humor by leaving a secret written joke on a neighbor's stoop, a colleague's desk, or mail it to your best friend. P | Test flight OK, except autoland very rough. 27. Awesome page, I came out of the US Army in 92. The program was halted when, after years of research and millions of dollars spent, the spy cat was run over by a cab. An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess" He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. Finally, exasperated the frog asked, "What is the matter with you? As an Amazon Associate, I earn a commission from qualifying purchases at no extra cost to you. 66. Home; Jokes; Pictures; Videos; GIFs; Runway 37 Comics; Weird Wings; Today I Learned; Quizzes; Jokes. The INFANTry! Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. A tank ran over a box of popcorn and killed two Kernals, As we stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station, our Flight Instructor said, All right! Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. An Airman, Soldier, and Marine are sitting around talking about hardships they faced on their last deployment. Here soldiers share what theyve gleaned from past gaffes: Cabin Attendant Two-legged mobile device for extracting cash from a captive audience, 56. Did it work? Without a letter from public affairs, well have to take your camera. I did the only thing I could do: I pulled a notepad and pen from my bag and wrote a letter giving myself permission to take photos. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we landit's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern". A military sergeant lieutenant saying Based on my experience I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. She also liked her scotch. It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing every day. The U.S. Air Force chooses their hotels based on the stars. No copyright required, as all content is freely available on 1,000s of websites. But if you say one word, it's fifty quid". They sure grow up fast, dont they?. Unfortunately, the sun was shining through a porthole right onto his face. A Flight Attendant's comment after a less than perfect landing; We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal, 17. Two PFCs are walking down the street and one of them says, Oh look, a dead bird. The other PFC looks at the sky and says, Where? He did his daredevil tricks over, and over again, but still not a word. Why Do We Celebrate It? The ships operations officer entered the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position? We made a private sweep all the sunshine off the sidewalks. The MPs read the letter, saluted, and left. I asked an employee whether they still carried my deodorant. ! Again, no reply. Do not communicate with officers using only Madonna lyrics. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. I smiled and said, Sure was a lot of em, huh sir?. Attention! What do you call someone who joined the military out of spite? From the plane came a laconic southern voice: . Being in the military is no laughing matter, but you know what can liven the spirits of those who serve or have served? How old are you? a tenant asked. The veteran bomber pilot answered, "Try this hot-shot". Next to your name, the sergeant said, initial it. It was sheer brilliance. Pilots 5. I've told you that I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. I lifted up my rifle and gave it one last try: George!! You might be in the Coast Guard if you abbreviate words so much that you forget how to spell them out. Yeah, I got in a lot of trouble for that, the gunner said. He told them "you must find your own way to this beach head for 0600 tomorrow morning, there you will be tested like never before". Meanwhile, the sergeant glared at the others. Shotgun: Comparison for a First-Time Gun Buyer, What Are The Basic Parts Of Ammunition? In-flight Snacks Little treats sealed in a bag that can only be opened by using a chainsaw. Sure!With that, he revved up the razor, clipped off my sideburns, and gave them to me. But yours is.. You had tents?" Climbing out of the wreckage, Brian asked Tommy, Any idea where we are?, I think were pretty close to where we crashed last year Brian, 5. A military captain saying I was just thinking Dont think so? SUB sandwiches! Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner in our tent broke and it was 110 outside! 13. What did you do? He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of a toilet. When the Marine finishes up, he starts to head for the door. I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. St. When the general asked, Which outfit are you in? the Marine replied, Dress blues, sir, with medals!. Hey, Im from Chicago too!. During the question-and-answer period, he was asked, How did you know the war was over? All you have to do is remove the dirt.. Connors eyes went from one to the other, and then he asked in a puzzled voice, You used to be a bear?. After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them There are three rules in this mess hall- Shut up! ", 55. Thanks for coming back for me, the airman said, jumping on the back of the scooter. Sergeant, he said, what if we dont have any initials? Matthew Nazarian. OHH OHOH! We were inspecting several lots of grenades. I have been telling the same joke for a lot of years, but today I will change it up. My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didnt salute. February 24, 2023 Two B-52s Fly Over Tallinn For Estonia Independence Day Military Aviation February 23, 2023 F-35C . When I spotted a Navy captain on the street, I saluted and bellowed, LST 395, which was the designation and number of the ship I served on during World War II. After working his magic, the barber exclaimed, There you go, Yank. Max Stanley (Test Pilot) The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world It can just barely kill you, 31. August 15, 2021. The Marine took off his boots and began to stretch out. Adding one, came from my saw carrying ARMY soldier: How many Marines does it take to fire a machine gun? Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Waxing his plane A pilot got up bright and early, and told his wife he was going to wash and wax his plane. Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. What do hungry Marines eat? 10. If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all, as they should be. Can You Name All 8 United States Uniformed Services? During World War II, my father often found himself stuck with KP duty. Fish Food. 100+ WW2 Trivia Questions For HistoryBuffs, 17 Military Personnel Talk About The Creepiest Thing Theyve Seen OnDuty, 100+ Scary Stories to Read in the Dark to Leave You With Chills[2021], A Writers Diary Entries From Mid-April,1986, 30 Spooky Paranormal Stories From Former MilitaryPersonnel, You might be in the Coast Guard if people have looked at you and said, The Coast Guard is part of the military?, You might be in the Coast Guard if your child points to the ship and says, Thats where my parent lives!, You might be a Coastie if you head an HH-65 and. Fighter Training Manual Airspeed, Altitude, and Brains Two are always needed to successfully complete a flight, 7. During orientation at Fort Sill, in Oklahoma, our first sergeant stated that if anyone lost his locker key to see him, as he kept a master key in his office. We made a private sweep all the sunshine off the sidewalks. Then the sergeant announced that everyone would get a three-day pass except me. P | Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. 37. When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. Eternal Piece It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, Either way, it is a simple gesture that will be sure to get a grin. Everything from puns to some sarcastic one-liners are included in the Army jokes below to crack on an Army member you know and love. Did you hear about the big accident on base? Collective Military Hardships One day an airman, an Army soldier, and a Marine were talking about the hardships they faced during their last deployment. The sergeant came in, grabbed a spoon, and took a taste. 2023 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. I was the tallest guy in line. Members of the U.S. Navy are known to be a pretty sarcastic bunch. My grandpa Bob was in the Navy. If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. "OK Suzy" said the teacher, "please tell the class your. She also liked her scotch. ", The student replied, "When I was number one for takeoff sir", 51. 49. This is really good, he said. You might be a Coastie if a cruise does not sound like a vacation to you. The U.S. Navy uses the stars to navigate.
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